Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living
by Tavae Themisal
Summary: After his exile to Tatooine, Obi-Wan has an unexpected visitor from unknown parts. IS AU due to recent research that I have done. It is tied into my other stories so those are now AU too. It's timedimension travel. Obi/OC
1. Obligatory Disclaimer

Obligatory Disclaimer

No I do not own the most of the characters in the story. The names that all will recognize are none other than those the Great Lucas, in his infinite wisdom, brought to us. Others are based on some persons I know. The names changed to protect them as these characterizations are my point of view.

I make no money off any of my stories though I hope to some day. (Not these in particular)

Hey Hey Hey! I know I have been derelict in my duties, but a year in the desert will do that to almost anyone I think. Hope you can forgive me for the dry spell I hope I don't develop a block so soon after starting this again. Any-who on with the show….

16 Jan: Hey there all. A little more frequent here huh? Well I'm actually ignoring a school assignment for this. I know that I'm not a constant updater. I do apologize for that I just seem to be really flighty. I'll get other distractions and end up forgetting my passions for moments in time…hopefully I won't be so bad about it in the future…enough blather 9 is up and 10 is being worked on.


	2. New Arrivals

Shifting Sands: Pain Of Living Chapter 1: New Arrivals.  
  
There was an insistent nagging at the back of his mind. Not that he paid much attention to his inklings anymore, in fact he purposely made efforts to ignore them. It didn't do him much good to pay attention to them. They inadvertently led him into trouble. Especially since coming here, to the endless desert that his apprentice had originally called home. Obi-Wan cringed at the pain that Anakin's betrayal still brought to mind.  
  
It had been five years. Five long almost intolerable years since the young man fell to his inner darkness. Five years since Obi-Wan had gone to Padme to wrench one of her children from her. Five years since he'd left everything about his past behind, including his name.  
  
But only three since he'd been banned from the Lars' homestead. He remembered that day all too well. Little Luke had been just as bold as ever, questioning him about everything. It was when the question of his father came up that he and Owen came near to blows.  
  
"Mister Ben, did you know my daddy?"  
  
He was monetarily taken aback and almost let it slip that the child's father was really still alive. "He is.was a great man Luke. Also an excellent Jedi."  
  
He watched as Luke's eyes grew large at the mention of the Jedi. "REALLY," he practically squealed, "Unca Owen always said he was a helper on a ship."  
  
Obi-Wan sensed the question coming and drew a breath in to answer when Owen's voice interrupted him. "He was and that's all. Don't let Ol' Ben fill your head with nonsense child. Jedi are a myth. A fairytale from a long forgotten time and better left to it."  
  
Obi-Wan tensed at his words but remained silent. It was something that the man had had on his mind for quite some time. Feelings could change but it would take time. The wounds that Anakin had caused before he left were way too deep. His thought was interrupted again by that weathered and weary voice dismissing the child. "Go help your Aunt in the kitchen boy." With that Luke scampered out of the court yard.  
  
Once he was out of earshot Obi-Wan opened up. "I agreed to one term, but why lie about the other?" He was glaring at Owen.  
  
Owen was not intimidated at all by the slightly older man in front of him. "I don't need you filling his head with superstitious nonsense and false hopes. I have enough trouble keeping his head out of the clouds as it is." "He's a child Owen. Children should be allowed to dream."  
  
He watched as the moisture farmers face tightened with anger. Eyes narrowing the man said to him. "Look where dreaming got his father."  
  
Obi-Wan had no defense for that. In fact, it was the opposite; he re- incriminated himself, saying many of the things that he had never told anyone here. "Yes. That's all my fault too I suppose. I was Anakin's Master. It was my fault that he. screwed up and got himself killed." He choked on that last part barely remembering to rein in the fact that the boy's father was indeed still alive. Only he and Owen knew the truth of the matter, Beru, with her soft heart, would undoubtedly believe that Luke was better off with his father and insist that the boy be left in the Dark Lord's care.  
  
That was when Owen's face turned a very interesting shade of red and he swung. Obi-Wan got the distinct impression that even though Owen had not really known his step-brother, he would have protected him with his life. The former Master ducked and dodged as Owen continued to attempt to connect.  
  
It took several minutes, but somehow the burly man did. His had clamped around the Jedi's neck. "You are no longer welcome here." He held on long enough to make Obi-Wan gasp. Then he dropped him unceremoniously to the sand. "Now leave."  
  
Obi-Wan had and hadn't been back there since. Oh he had gone and observed them from a distance, usually when they were doing the morning rounds of the moisture units. Luke was growing like a wookie. His thought of the young boy brought that bit of an unease back to his fore thoughts just as a familiar voice broke through them.  
  
"Ben? Oh please be in."  
  
He headed to the front of the hut. "What is it Beru?"  
  
He wasn't surprised to see her. She took it upon herself to visit every so often just to give him some company. Not that he minded that she often brought goodies with her; it was a nice change not to have to taste his own cooking now and then.  
  
"We have a small situation." She stated as he noticed that Owen and Luke were there attempting to wrestle a body through the small opening of his home. Whoever it was appeared much larger than they were, he went over to give them a hand.  
  
"I literally tripped right over her this morning." Luke piped in before Beru could continue.  
  
As Obi-Wan relieved the boy of his part of the burden, Owen growled at him. "Get the stuff from the speeder." Luke bounded off and he continued on. "We found her and three others by one of the outer perimeter units this morning. She was the only one still showing any signs of life. We assumed it was an attack by the Raiders, but it didn't quite fit with the other data"  
  
They lowered the young woman to the floor far from the door. "Why bring her here though? Anchorhead would be better." He wondered aloud as he began to assess the person.  
  
Owen grew quiet and Beru whispered to him. "It was Luke. He said that he had a feeling that if we took her to Anchorhead she would not make it." It was then that Luke returned with some supplies which he handed to Owen.  
  
"We found this stuff with her." He handed over a bag that was deceptively heavy for its small size. Then the rest of the stuff got sat down on the floor.  
  
Obi-Wan searched with a tendril of force energy. Other than suffering from an serious bout of heat exhaustion she was relatively intact inside. He withdrew and began a through visual inspection of the woman. He noted all of her exposed skin had been severely abraded, as if she'd been caught out in a sand storm. There were a couple of spots where it appeared that she had been winged by a slug thrower bullet.  
  
He looked up from her. "She appears to be."  
  
The subject moaned and coughed. She then made an attempt to roll to her side, but failed, thumping back to the ground. Then she began to vomit. There was nothing but bile. Then she passed out. 


	3. Will

((Pardon, at work and listing to Weird AL))  
  
Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living Chapter 2: Will  
  
Obi-Wan looked to the others in his small hut. Even thought the boy wasn't trained, he could really use his support. He knew that Owen would be less than keen on that so he chose discretion. "Look while I could really use help here, the kind I need you cannot or are not willing to give, so I would appreciate it if you vacated the premises." His gaze shifted from Owen to Luke and back again. The farmer took the hint and began to usher out his family.  
  
Beru wouldn't have it however. "I will be staying. I know that I wouldn't want to be waking up to see only a strange man hovering over me." She had that look in her eyes that said she'd have her way in this, so Owen didn't even bother to protest. He just ushered Luke to the speeder and left, knowing that when the time came Ben would escort her home. She looked to Ben. "What can I do?"  
  
"Start by going through those bags over there. I'm going to try something." He looked directly into her eyes. "Don't be frightened. It might seem like I'm no here for a while." Once she nodded a puzzled acknowledgement, he began his decent into the strangers mind.  
  
What he found there was rather confusing. A sense of urgency. A quick, pitched skirmish with the faint pain of wounds lost in a wash of adrenalin. Fatigue that set in not long after getting the wounded rounded up. The hopes that there was a vehicle that still worked and the relief when one actually started. The heart pounding fear when the vehicle slid and found a land mine. The determination that she would get herself and the three others to safety.  
  
He was almost overwhelmed by all the sensation. But with everything he encountered so far he could tell she was determined to live. He pushed past all of that and found her in a dark corner, hidden from the pain. "Hello?" he asked quietly.  
  
Her eyes lit like she was caught in the crosshairs of an enemy. "Who the hell are you?" She didn't even let him answer. "On second thought don't bother answering that, just get me the hell out of here."  
  
"I need your help to do that." He looked like he knew what was wrong with her, but didn't know what to do about it.  
  
"Figures that I would be saved by someone without a clue what to do." She mumbled aloud. Then much more clearly. "You do have supplies to do an IV infusion, don't you?"  
  
At the almost baffled look in his eyes she explained. "Fluids pumped directly into a vein."  
  
An understanding dawned on him from his several visits to the healers. "That's not something they taught us in our basic aid classes."  
  
She was becoming mildly irritated. "Of course not, though being that you're in my mind talking to me I'm going to assume that you're some kind of weirdo with power that no one understands and as such it is believed that YOU can help me. However, your power doesn't extend that far does it?"  
  
"My training in this specific area was somewhat lacking, yes."  
  
"Then either take the information you need from me or do what you can to make me coherent enough to do what I need to do to myself."  
  
A stray thought briefly caught his attention. 'This is one great hallucination you've gotten into Larn.' Figuring it would be faster anyway if he let her take care of it herself he pulled out of her mind to check on Beru. He found her staring wide eyed at the contents of one of the bags.  
  
"She has a small fortune in her Ben." The wonder not having been disguised at all.  
  
"Well, she's going to be using it soon Beru. What needs to be done is something beyond my technical expertise. I'm going to attempt to bring her to long enough to do it herself."  
  
She watched as he settled down next to the woman again. He was still for all of a few seconds when the girl, Beru had trouble thinking of her as a woman due to her small size and lack of chest, began to jerk and spasm. She wondered what was going on in there.  
  
......  
  
"Sorry chief, spirits willing, body's too baked."  
  
"Wha."  
  
She rolled her eyes at him. "You're gonna hafta make the attempt." She was beginning to tire. Her speech becoming extremely slurred and difficult to understand. She put her hand behind her back and pulled forth a slim volume. "Gee, th'nifty weird things I c'n do here. Take this. It will help more than I can."  
  
The second he took the book kit disappeared and he new all of the details of the necessary procedure. She had know that she was too far gone to have a vein in sight, so he'd actually have to open her arm and find one. Not a cheering prospect on his part, he figured that he could take it though being that he had disemboweled or dismembered many a person during the war.  
  
He found that was far from the truth as he returned to his body and made the attempt. Being used to instantaneous cauterization of woulnds made him near flip out at the sight of blood. To top that off he had to fish around a bit before he was able to pin down and get the vein open. He made all the necessary repairs to her arm and turned to Beru. "I'm exhausted. I need you to keep an eye on that bag for me. When it gets low be sure to switch it out with the next one." She nodded and he stumbled off to get some needed rest. 


	4. Awakining

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living  
  
Chapter 3: Awakening  
  
He felt far from rested when he next woke. Stumbling into the main living area he noted that Beru had resituated the young woman on the small couch he kept in one corner. It also appeared that she was covered with every extra blanket he owned.  
  
Beru had fallen asleep with her head on the miniscule edge of the cushion. Her hands cradling the girl's. He placed a hand on Beru's shoulder.  
  
"Hey sleepy wake up."  
  
She blinked sleep glazed eyes at him. "Oh, you're awake finally."  
  
"Just how long have..."  
  
"About," She looked at her chonometer, "about 36 hours." She interrupted him. "You really exhausted yourself earlier. Don't worry I cleaned up."  
  
He vaguely remembered throwing up. The rotten taste in his mouth attesting to the fact that he had. He was about to mumble a thanks when Beru continued on. "She woke up briefly roughly eight hours ago asking for something to drink. I take that for a good sign."  
  
Then, as if on cue, the woman opened her eyes and mumbled, "M'ungry, while attempting to lift her arm. It barely twitched. Ben saw the quick blaze of anger flare in her eyes. Her cracked lips pursed and she blew out a frustrated sigh. "Wha's ta eat?"  
  
Beru smiled to herself and saw her chance to do something. "I'll go see what I can find. Ben why don't you make her more comfortable."  
  
She left the room and he found himself wondering what to do. The woman spurred him into action. "Could you at least help me to sit up? I am still as weak as a newborn kitten you know." He did, noting at the same time that she seemed way too light.  
  
"You would blow away in a gentle breeze." He hadn't realized that he had said this aloud until her bark of laughter reached his ears.  
  
"Yeah being lost in the desert for who knows how long will do that to you."  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you." "Of course you didn't," she started, "and you really did not. It's just that I'm still a little lost, confused and bitter about some things."  
  
"Like what?" he asked.  
  
She gave him a look that said 'you asked', and shot off all of her questions. "Where am I? How did I get here? Who are you and that woman? How did you get in my head? But most of all, are you going to let me go home?"  
  
Well to start off I'm Ben, the woman in the kitchen is Beru. Her family brought you to my home by the Dune Sea. It was a dream you had. And sorry to answer a question with a question but, where is home?"  
  
"My hooch or even better if you can drop me stateside. I really need to get home." There was a brief flair of pain in her eyes as she mentioned home. He sensed that she didn't care to talk about that now though. An uncomfortable silence stretched between the two. It was interrupted by Beru coming in with a tray.  
  
Ben went to help her. "Its time for you to get some rest. Let me take care of this." She took his offer and headed to the back to lie down. "When I'm finished, I'll take you home." She just nodded and continued on. When he looked back to the couch, the young woman was fast asleep. "On second thought lets get you to your own bed now. 


	5. Desert Tears

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living  
  
Chapter 4: Desert Tears  
  
Ben woke to the sound of silence. It didn't seem too strange until he relized that it was that which had woke him in the first place. He hadn't relized that he'd gotten that used to having his house guest around. But with the lack of restless tossing, quiet breathing, and various other souds that Larn madeit hit him hard that she was no longer in the small hut. Thinking the worst, he didn't even grab his robe before leaving his room.  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief and chastised himself for paniking when he found her. She had gone around the back of the hut. There she was kneeling before the descreetly marked graves Luke and Owen had made for her companions.  
  
The gentlemen had buried the bodies in a small aclove the wind rarely got to. The markers were simple. A piece of flat stone with an indentation in the center. The indentation held one of the two tags that the men had been wearing around thier necks. The others had been saved to give to Larn.  
  
He saw her shaking slightly and moved to confort her. "Don't bother." she stated rising from her kneeling posistion. "I'm finished here. Come back inside and I'll tell you our story." There were no dry salt streaks on her cheeks as she passed him he noted.


	6. Things Best Forgotten 1

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 5: Times Best Forgotten 1

He followed her after a moment. She was just reentering the small living area as with a few refreshments as he entered. She sat the tray down on a low table he had fashioned of a couple of old speeder parts. She poured them both a glass. "This is going to take a little while so please get comfortable."

He took his seat as she began to speak. "The people in charge had decided to send me out on the search team. That is after much pleading on my part. I had wanted to go because I knew who was on that downed bird.

The convoy stopped about five clicks out from the canyon where the crash had taken place, the vehicles had needed to cool off some. Winds were beginning to stir the sands and off in the distance there was the wall of red that indicated that they were bringing a sandstorm in with it. Mondie was trying to raise any survivors on the radio, but communications were sporadic at best that far out. There was a very slim chance that we would have heard anything at all considering the fact that the signal may have needed to be heard through several meters of solid rock. But orders were orders and he kept trying.

I was out near Chons on the perimeter when the call came in," she paused to take a drink. Ben noted that she had been going on in monotone with a far off look in her eyes. When she started again it seemed as if she had slipped back there…

"Seti six, this is Ringer."

"This is Seti six, Go ahead Ringer."

"Seti six, I think I've got something."

"I'll be right there."

"Ringer out."

I looked over to Chons. He understood all too clearly. "You go. I've got this spot covered." So I ran like the wind to the communications vehicle. I arrived just behind the Captain.

"Larn how are the perimeter guards doing?"

"Well they are running a little low on water, but other than that they are fine."

He just nodded at the news and turned. "Hey Mon, what ya got?"

"Just this." There was a moment of silence as he turned up the volume on the speaker. There was horrible interference but there were also two other distinct sounds. The rat-tat-a-tat of automatic gunfire and the second, which I am pretty certain the others couldn't pick out over the static, was the sound of heavy breathing. My head snapped up to meet the commander's gaze.

"Sir we have to go NOW!" I shouted at him.

"Larn settle down, we don't even know that it's ours."

"Trust me sir, it is. You probably didn't hear the breathing through the static, but I did and I recognize the pattern." When he looked at me slightly bewildered I continued. "Sir you don't sleep next to a man for nearly five years and not get to know how they breathe. Besides that sandstorm is coming in way too fast." I finished pointing toward the threatening wall of dirt in the near distance.

He just nodded. "Let's get moving then. We'll go in hard and fast. Let's hope our guys are doing all right…


	7. Things Best forgotten 2

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 6: Times Best Forgotten 2

The unfriendly canyon loomed ahead of us and the darkness of nature descending threatened our backs. Our mission was to retrieve the crashed vehicle and it's crew, which was more important than anything else. More so to me because my ex-husband was a member of that crew, this was to have been his last mission before leaving this forsaken desert and returning home to the children. I might not like him much anymore but the children needed him, so for their sakes I went to make sure he made it.

Unfortunately once we got into the canyon all hell broke loose. A rocket hit the lead gun-truck and Chons was blown about ten meters in the air and roughly fifty back. I ran to help him and his crew, Mondie was close by to help me with the lightly wounded. We managed to get them to safety through a hail of fire. The odd thing was that we stumbled on the cave that the bird's crew happened to hole up in.

A strong hand descended on my shoulder, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Making sure your ass gets back to see the kids Sarge. Now if you don't mind helping me here we have more wounded to take care of." From there he went out to assess what was going on while Mondie and myself continued stabilizing those we had brought.

It wasn't until he came running in yelling that I realized that our position had been compromised. I turned and he fell on top of me. There was a brief exchange of fire from Mondie. I felt a brief sharp pain in the center of my chest. The next thing I remember after that is waking up here," she paused and Ben gathered that she had something more going on in her hazel eyes. He stopped to sip his water and near snorted it out his nose at the next words from her mouth. "Obi-Wan how did I get here?"


	8. Focus

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 7: Focus

She started over as he coughed the water up. "Are you alright, Ben?" He saw the genuine concern in her eyes and saw nothing of the horror and that peculiar spark that had been there but a moment ago.

"I am fine Larn. Do you remember the last thing you just said to me?" His concern more for the fact that this complete stranger had called him by a name that he shed when he came to this forsaken planet.

Her brow knit together in confusion. "I had just been shot. The mission was a bust and the soldiers on it were all dead. Why?"

He carefully noted that the far off look that she had a few moments ago did not return. Instead, he saw the sorrow, pain and guilt shining in it's place. The brief hitch in her voice clinched it for him. She had no clue that she had called him by his real name. "It's nothing." He hedged as he stood and pulled her in for a comforting hug. "I was just hearing things."

"What did you think you heard?"

"A name that I haven't heard in a couple of years." He smiled wistfully. "Like I said it's nothing."

She turned in his embrace and looked him in the eye. "Apparently it is more than nothing, you damn near choked on water Ben."

He moved her to arms length. "Drop it. This is supposed to be about you not me." He directed her, his voice heaving an exasperated sigh.

Pulling from him she began. "Sorry to disappoint you dear, but I'm tired of focusing on me. It hurts too much to think of it. Betrayal and death. That is the short and sweet version of my previous situation. The details are really unnecessary." She waved her hand in a sort of dismissal gesture. "What I want to know is a bit more about my savior."

Ben shrugged with that one and sat back down. "Well it was not me that brought you here from the desert. I can arrange it so that you can meet the one who saved you though."

Larn narrowed her eyes slightly. "You're hedging again, but that's alright, I'd like to meet the one that found me and brought me here."


	9. A Mother's Pain

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 9: A Mother's Pain

She had been deathly silent since entering. But that had still told him more than one would think, even without the force. Her eyes were shining with tears unshed. The pain that was refracting through the shining hazel iris' made it hurt for him to breathe. She was breathing in a very regulated pattern. The amount of concentration that it was taking her to do so was extremely evident in her furrowed brow.

Obviously, her trip to the Lars homestead had created this distress. When he drew breath to ask her what the problem was, she hid her face in her hands. "Mif babbis." Came a garbled statement.

Ben was taken aback. Babies? She had children. This person who had told him that she had fought in a war had children. She didn't even look old enough to have been fighting in the first place. It just didn't seem possible that she could be a mother. She had mentioned children earlier though.

He moved to comfort her. She clung to him fiercely. He found himself in a rather embarrassing situation, being that he still considered himself a Jedi. He could not get her to let go. He eventually relaxed and started to rub her back.

Larn decided to let her guard down. There was just something about this man that she knew she could trust. She let out a wistful sigh. "Ob…Ben, " she tried to hide the slip, "I have two little boys back where I'm from that are about Luke's age. I miss them so." She let him go, knowing full well that he'd caught the slip and was going to ask her about it.

He went back to his chair to sit. "Tell me of this place that you come from Larn."


	10. A Place Unheard Of

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 10: A World Unheard Of

'Whew off the hook.' Larn thought as she began. "It is a site better than this planet, I'll tell you that first off. It is a place of great mountain ranges, vast deserts, sprawling forests, deep lakes and oceans that connect around the globe.

The place that I come form in paticular has four seasons. The summers are generally hot and damp. Falls are windy and have the most beautiful display of colors as the trees lose their leaves. When wither strikes, the naked trees are temporarily covered in a frosting of white wile the ground is covered like a blanket. Springs are heralded by the return of the birds, the budding of the trees, and the making of Maple syurp.

Varying bodies of water can be found all over the land. Lakes, rivers, swamps you name it we have it…save ocean. The largest group of freshwater lakes to be found surround the landmass on three sides. The country side is truly a beautiful place."

He watched her as she spoke. She relaxed and even smiled during the recitation. Her gaze was focused past him as if she were picturing this place that he only ever fantasized about. When she moved on to the next part though, he noted that her look changed. It was still distant but it wasn't near as focused.

"The city though is an entirely different matter. Buildings that tower well above the tops of the clouds stretch on for as far as the eye can see. That isn't very far because of the buildings being in the way. Cement and steel are everywhere. Crime, pollution and noise abound.

The nicest refuge that one could go to was the gardens. Oh you wouldn't believe the plants that they had there. There was one particular spot that seemed to be a favorite of many. It was right next to a brook that we often would dangle our feet in. The moss under the trees there was soft and silky. It was the perfect place to lay back and wish that the stars you were looking at in the night sky were real."

Ben found himself taken back. Her very words were drawing a picture of the Temple and the Room of a Thousand Fountains. That had been his favorite place in the temple. Mostly for the reasons she was stating. He went there so often that many of his early memories were tied to it. Including one long forgotten friend from his earliest days.

She had been a wild child. Anything that the boys did, she figured that she had a right to do as well. If they peeled off their robes down to under shorts to go swimming, so did she. The Creche Masters had their hands full trying to keep her from the showers at the same time as the boys.

The more he thought of it, the more he could see little things in Larn that reminded him of that girl. She had always been free with her expressions, especially when reminded that she was to keep her emotional outbursts in check. Long before the honey blonde had reached the age of choosing, the masters sent her from the temple. They had said that she was too unstable to work as a knight and that no master would ever choose her.

He opened eyes that he hadn't even realized he had closed. He took a hard look at the woman before him. Her hair was a bit lighter, but he could attribute that to the harsh sun. Her unfocused eyes were about the same hazel as his long lost friend.

"Aristar." He breathed.

Her unfocused eyes moved to look through him. "Yes Obi?"


	11. Seeking Permission

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 11: Seeking Permission

He was completely taken aback. Here was someone that he hadn't seen since his time in the Creche. He fumbled for the right thing to ask her. So many questions on his mind that he had trouble thinking of what to ask first.

"You look a little flustered Ben." Larn said. Having come back to herself in the time it took him to finally decide what to say.

Again he was caught off guard, this time at how she had seemingly forgotten that he had called her by another name. There was definitely something going on inside that head of hers. He wanted to know what it was. "Larn, will you give me permission to search your memory?"

She quirked one eyebrow at him, "You can do things like that?"

"yes" he said simply.

"Why?"

"Because I suspect there is more going on in there than meets the eye. Twice you have called me by a name other than Ben. It is a name that I was called before I came here. It isn't one that the inhabitants know."

"Well in that case I suppose that I should allow you to see if you can crack this nut then." She stated half in jest. At his raised eyebrow she continued, "I've always felt like there was more that I should be able to do. When do we start?"

"Tomorrow."


	12. Releasing the Past

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 12: Releasing the Past

Ben sat up that night. He hadn't been able to sleep for a couple of days now. It was getting too close to those days again. Force knows he tried to let it go and had temporarily succeeded. Though it snuck up on him one year about this same time, blasted war was ten years gone and the failure still ate at him.

He knew that he would need to put his ghosts to rest before he attempted to sift though his visitor's thoughts. 'Only if I had paid closer attention to his comings and goings. Kept watch on his changes in mood. I should have seen it in him. Did I not make the same mistake?'

He followed his memories back to the time of Meelida-Daan and his betrayal of everything he had known from infancy. The pure distrust that was thrown his way as he returned to the fold, especially that which came from Siri. The pain he experienced watching the only woman he had ever entrusted with his heart give her life to their sworn duty.

It was in this reflection that he released that he an Anakin had been much alike. Both had found causes outside themselves that they felt were worthy of separation from the order. Each had fallen deeply in love and soulbonded with another, and each had lost their other half. Only Anakin hadn't been able to do, as he had, had not been able to truly let go.

Perhaps if he had shared his losses to Anakin before he'd married Padmé he could have prevented all the senseless bloodshed. He should not have been so distracted by other duties that he shirked teaching the lessons he'd learned to his padawan.

"Would have, could have, should have, Obi-wan. You can either beat yourself up about it or you can realize something."

He'd been so lost in his own thoughts he had not heard Larn come to the door. "What's that?"

"What is past is past, live with it, learn from it but never ever let it rend you asunder." As she said this, she turned back to the bedroom.

He watched the slender woman's frame retreat into the darkness. She was right of course. Who was to say that anything that he'd told Anakin would have been heeded. He had been a full-grown man making his own decisions. For better or worse, he had made the only choices that agreed with his perception of reality. There really was not much that could have changed it.


	13. SEcond Thoughts

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 13: Second Thoughts

He had found sleep that night. Not the fitful, pained memory-ridden sleep that usually assailed him but a truly deep and meaningful sleep. One that he had not achieved since long ago, he could tell because the feeling of weariness that had so pervaded his being like a shroud felt like it had been torn away.

His eyes snapped open at the realization. He had been wallowing in self-pity for these ten years. "I have been entirely too hard on myself." He sighed to the room in the barest whisper.

"Finally returned to us here in the land of the living? Or am I imagining things?" Came Larn's voice from the doorway.

He flung his legs over the side of his bed. "Hey, I'll be right out."

He readied himself quicker that he ever had in the past ten years. When he strode out from his room he asked. "What's up?"

An eyebrow raised, "Three days, Ben. Three days."

She didn't have to say anymore than that. "I apologize. Shall we get down to business then?" He asked brightly.

"No you should eat first. I know I'd be ravenous if I slept for three solid days!"

Almost as if that were its cue, his stomach gave a Wookie-like growl. "I suppose I am. That is if you haven't eaten everything already." He attempted to joke.

"No, Beru stopped in the day after you first fell asleep. She dropped a few things off and decided that she would try to visit with Luke again sometime later this month."

She handed him a piece of fruit. "Hey, I'm kind of nervous about this now. What if you dig things up that I don't really want to remember?"

The nervousness was rolling off her in waves. Apparently she had taken some time to think these things over while he was out. "I have no intention of navigating us to that stuff Larn. At least the areas I know about, your recent past is not what we are looking for. There is something buried down much, much deeper that I am aiming to uncover."

"Oh. Okay then. I'm going to freshen up a bit while you eat then."


	14. Interesting Discoveries

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 14: Interesting Discoveries

"Truth be told, Larn, I am nervous a bit myself. This will be the deepest I have allowed myself to touch the Force since…" he trailed off not wanting to touch on that memory right now. As if to go there would send him back into that spiral of self-pity and sorrow that he had just managed to diverge from. "Anyway it may make it possible for my enemies to find me."

Larn gave a tentative smile. "Being that I am uncertain as to how this works in the first place," she shifted slightly, "I can only say that I will attempt not to resist your endeavors and keep my fingers crossed that it helps to keep you under the radar."

"Then let us begin." He stated while bringing his hands to her temples. He focused on that one tiny thread that he was given days ago. Aristar. In his most distant of childhood memories he remembered this crèche mate.

She had been one of the more active children in the crèche, much to the Crèche Master's chagrin. Always into this and that. She managed on several occasions to actually get out of the crèche and into places in the temple that he had never even ventured to as a padawan. The ingrained memory of her thought was of the last night that he had ever seen her.

It was the memory of a toddler, so everything in it seemed bigger and more exaggerated but it was also, he realized, the first time that he actually remembered full events. She had woken the entire crèche with a scream of pure terror. He was only able to catch a small glimpse of her through the rushing of the Crèche Master and several other Masters. But her eyes were glazed and she was staring straight ahead, her lips moving without a sound. Then she was being rushed out by the funny looking, child-sized green woman. He paused his memory there and took a moment to reflect.

Now that he looked back on that, it had been odd that a number of the Council had been there. It had taken him until just now to make a note of the fact it hadn't been a verbal scream that had woken him. That scream of terror had been projected through the force. He could only assume that one of the Masters had paralyzed the girl's vocal chords, as she was most assuredly not a mute. As he concentrated on her lips were trying to form, all he could make out was, "No!" which was repeated several times. If he were to find out more he would need to see it from her perspective.

He played the memory backward until he reached the point he noticed her. He attempted to use that as a reference point to merge his mind to that specific memory in her. And found himself back in his hut on Tatooine, flat on his rear.

Larn snapped up from the threadbare couch. "I am so sorry, Ben!" She apologized before offering him a hand up.

"There seems to be a very strong and deep block on the specific memory I tried to access." He told her before she could ask. "But now that I know that it is there, I think I can get around it."

She looked down, shifting a little uncomfortably. "Umm…I'm not …I guess…I mean I get the impression that the girl in your memory is me. Why was I so terrified?"

He looked at her quizzically. "You saw my memory?"

"Why, shouldn't I have."

"I thought that I was shielding it was all."

"Oh."

"Do you wish to continue?"

She hesitated. "Yes and no. My curiosity is piqued, but I am not too keen on reliving whatever it was that had the girl so terrified."

"Understandable, I can always go forward of there and see what happened to you. That was the last memory I have of her. After that night I never saw her again." There was a hint of sadness to his voice.

She picked up on it and gave him a small smile. "Okay then. How about you try to shift perspectives or whatever just as that little green trolli doll is carrying the girl…me out?"


	15. Jumper

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 15: Jumpers

He took Larn's suggestion and in moments he was floating along only faintly supported by the diminutive Master's arms. He felt warm and safe, the utter terror of only moments ago having lifted to the edges of memory to slowly dissipate with each cycle of breath.

He was aware of Larn's presence only vaguely, but it seemed to surround him. A kind of a buffer to the foreign sensation of being back in a toddler's body.

_"Larn, are you there?"_

_ "Of course you silly, it's really strange being here though…give me a second."_

Before he could ask her why, he was suddenly hearing the muted conversation between Master Yoda and…if he weren't mistaken, Master Yaddle.

"See we must what has shaken this youngling so." Yaddle spoke in that broken Galactic common that only she and Yoda shared.

"Hmmm…but careful we must be, to trigger not the child's response as it was."

The dark fog slowly returned to the edges of their shared vision. One second before it fully obscured all but the mind sight, eyes physically snapped open and Obi-wan caught the barest glimpse of his old teacher. Then a gray haze clouded his physical vision.

It was played in fast forward; he could feel no emotion because he had no time to. All he could remember seeing was flashes of white, blue, green and red. He heard screaming, blaster fire and the tell tale hum of rapidly moving light sabers. Then the smells hit him and he thought he was back in the middle of the Clone Wars; the stench of melted plastic, seared flesh and various other body fluids. It was all he could do to concentrate through the myriad of blunted images.

Physical vision finally cleared and their mutual gaze fell upon the two Masters. "Stay you cannot, Jumper" Master Yoda stated to the girl. The only tell tale of any sadness from him was an almost imperceptible drooping to his pointy ears. Master Yaddle did not even bother to say one word, her head just bobbed slightly in agreement.

Obi-wan sensed a slight panic rear up in Larn. Once that happened, he was no longer able to see what happened. He lost his hearing as well. The one thing that Larn was not able to cut him off from was the sensation of being slugged in the gut coupled with a searing sensation.

He came to back in his hut. He was laying on his couch with a damp rag on his forehead and a sour taste in his mouth. "What in Sith Hell was that?" He asked Larn as she handed him a glass of oh-so precious water and a basin.

She waited for him to start rinsing his mouth. Then her voice came in a childlike hush. "Obi-wan, I should not have let you do that. I am so sorry. We were both better off not knowing."

He looked up then and noted the haunted look on her features. It ran much deeper and hurt much more by the glint in her blue-green eyes. He was about to speak when she interrupted. "But it was already written, so I suppose I must apologize to you for leaking the details of my death."


	16. Seers

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 16: Seers

It clicked in his head then. The pain he had felt just prior to waking up. "One of them killed you. Just sucker punched you with the business end of their light saber!" He felt like he was going to throw up again. It was hard to believe that either of those gentle Masters could do such a heinous thing.

"Obi" she said as she placed a soothing hand on his shoulder. "It was inevitable. I am the True Seer or the better term is actually Jumper. While most Jedi have, at best, one to two true visions of the future to come, I have seen it all. Not through meditation or a sleep dream, but because I have actually lived through a piece of it. My soul is not anchored in time."

He had heard of True Seers, they were few and far between and usually did not have a long life. But if he interpreting her words correctly…"You mean to tell me that every time there has been a Seer recorded in the archives it was you?"

"Yes, there are even a few times that I have held the flesh that I was not recorded as a Seer."

"Name one."

"Siri, Satine, Sabé. You seem to have a thing for Senth there Obi."

He wasn't sure if her quirky smile or the three names she'd given had unnerved him more. It wasn't so much the names and the emotions that he had attached to them, but the fact that they all lived about the same time. Another revelation struck him at that time too. "How is that possible," he all but whispered, "you would have to have been in about four places at once for that to even work."

Larn smiled thinly at that. "It is a strange thing even to one who lives it. It may be easier for you to think of my soul as if it were a shattered piece of transparisteel. Each separate shard can be placed into a different body, the larger the shard usually the more of an important role that person plays in the development of the galaxy."

She paused to let Obi-wan mull this information over. "I'll go make some tea."


	17. Feelings

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 17: Feelings

He watched her go. His mind and emotions were in a chaotic whirl. All those he'd had feelings for…including this current incarnation of the woman, because he had to admit that from when he first saw her still form there was something there, were all technically the same person. Just a separate shard of the personality.

But there was one thing that still niggled at him. He had always been enamored of the stories of those with foresight when he was a youngling. He'd even done his free-search report on the subject. All the information he had found suggested that there had been more than one Seer.

And from what she had just imparted to him it seemed that there should be many more. If these soul shards, as she called them, were in fact just slivers of the soul, shouldn't they all have the same power? Shouldn't each individual be aware of the other through the Force?

It confused him a little that this was apparently not the case. Siri should have remembered him, Satine should have apparently already known him better than his reputation and Sabé, he had dismissed her as a teenage crush. He also remembered being pretty defensive over Aristar as well.

He was still examining the depths of his feelings for these various women when Larn return with the tea. As he caught site of her form in the doorway, a very familiar voice sounded in his head. "Live in the moment, my Padawan!"

For the first time ever he took Qui-gon's advice without question or hesitation. He simply found himself taking the tray from her hands and setting it on a side table. Then he kissed her. He felt awkward at first. But her response was all that it took to spur him further.


	18. Emotions

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 18: Emotions

Larn almost giggled as she held the tray again. The last time she had made tea Obi-wan had made his feelings about her VERY clear. Not that she had been really surprised by his actions, but she just hadn't expected him to act so soon. He had always been the one to overanalyze every little emotion that surfaced. It was as if he had gone from one extreme to another, not caring anymore for the restrictions that he had lived his life under.

She brought the tea tray over to the threadbare couch and handed Obi-wan a cup before sitting and taking hers. She waited for him to speak.

"I am so sorry, Larn. I don't know what happened to me."

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'd say that you decided to let yourself follow your heart to something you wanted for once Obi."

"You're not upset with me?"

"Force no! I quite enjoyed myself thank you!" her eyes twinkled mischievously. "Though it was pretty obvious you were irritated about your lack of experience."

Obi-wan coughed a little with the sip of tea he had been taking. "Well…umm…well it isn't everyday you run into someone with the experience that you have now is it."

She laughed. "You always were so easy to bait. I was only teasing."

He smiled then. "Okay, you win. I do have some questions for you though."

"Shoot then." At his confused look she stopped to explain. "Sorry slang from another facet up here." She tapped her temple. "It just means go ahead and ask."

She watched him nod and formulate his first question.

"Why is it that you were not aware of the others were a part of your shards?

She took a deep breath and sighed. "You can sure kill a buzz Obi. It is hard to explain. The awareness a Seer has of the pieces of themselves is more on the instinctual level. If ever shards were to meet one another, it is either instant like or dislike. It all depends on the facet of myself that a shard represents. Some are attached to pure emotion, some to a moral stance, and others to actions. Say if one shard were purely love for instance, well if it met up with the shard that was hate what would you expect to happen?"

"I'd expect that they would clash, they are opposite ends of the spectrum.

"True. However they can, and have, in several cases, live and function together." She continued before he could voice the question. "You actually witnessed it a bit with Anakin. Now, while not exactly a Seer example, you can take the different facets of his personality and treat them like one.

He started off as love personified. It did not matter to him who, when, or where, if he could help he would. Especially those he loved, he would move galaxies if it meant keeping them safe. And there in lie the flaw in his love. Love that all consuming is not healthy for anyone. It turns to obsession. This he was able to mask with you Obi-wan."

"Obsession in a Jedi is a hard thing to keep from the others, Larn" Obi-wan's voice was stern.

She smiled a knowing smile. "Not so hard to disguise from the very one who is a recipient of that obsession. Despite his constant disobedience and tendency to want to scare the life from you, he never left you behind. Even when there were times he should have. You were his focal point when away from Padmé. A father figure, someone he looked up to. Shoot the number of times that he saved your skin added to his arrogance."

"Can you please use another example? This is quickly becoming a thing of which I do not want to learn." He stood and turned away, making as if to remove tea tray from the room.

"I wish there were another example Obi-wan. But I cannot go through what I wish to tell you for it is not what you need to know." She stated sadly.

His growl made her jump slightly. "Then what exactly do I need to know?"

She took a quick centering breath. "He had not the ability to detach himself from his emotions. Of all the things he was sent to you to learn, that was the most important. The kicker was you were supposed to learn from him as well Obi-wan. I suppose that you had by the end there, but it was too late by then. Force Blast you both on the stubbornness that you both shared."

His next words were stated with deadly calm. "Stop hedging and spit it out, Larn."

"You were supposed to learn to how to feel your emotions, you stoic jerk!" With that she stormed out of his hut, completely missing his taken aback expression.


	19. Meditation

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 19: Meditation

He stood there mouth agape at her retreating back. He should have known that saying that would have provoked her. He had been warned that Siri was a shard of her. But it wasn't fully believable until her anger finally busted through with her last statement. She had sounded EXACTLY like his long dead love.

He swallowed hard. With all that had happened, he had just fully realized he had not believed her until that very moment. It also made him want to believe that she had been the only True Seer. There was still a niggling doubt with that. He moved to go after her, but though better of it. She had been completely pissed. Not a good time to approach ANY woman in his experience.

So he decided to sit and meditate. He went over what she said. She had brought Anakin up as an example. What could have her reason been for that? She had said he was love personified. If that was so, where did hate figure into the equation? Was it him or someone else Anakin knew? How did things progress from Love to Obsession?

The questions kept coming. One by one he let them go, to dissipate into the Force, perhaps it would deem fit to give him an answer to at least one of them. It took a long time but finally a very asexual voice returned an answer that only vexed him more.

"Seek out the Whills, they can answer all."


	20. Chance Encounter

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 20: Chance Encounter

Larn went for a jog in the early evening air. She needed to clear her head and get some distance between her and Obi-wan. He was so stubborn. That much she should have remembered right away. But with everything she knew battering around in her head she had let it slip her forethought.

She let herself become so distracted in her thoughts that she failed to notice that she ran headlong into a camp of Tuskins. It didn't take long for them to subdue her, she carried no weapons. She listened to the honking and barking, laughing slightly when it became clear to her what they were saying.

"Another stranger."

"It needs to be dealt with."

"No we should wait for the elders and the Bard."

"They'll take forever and we need to make sure that our position is not compromised NOW!"

The bickering went on like that until the afore mentioned grouping of people arrived. Along with them walked a little girl of about eight seasons. The girl smiled and ran up to Larn. She was enveloped is a giant hug. That right there decided it for the elders. They chose to be lenient.

"Children know things we do not." Was all one of them said to the astonished hunters.

Once Larn recovered, she looked down at the girl. It was a soul she knew. One that would eventually heal the now- barren world. She bent to the child's level. "Care to tell me your name little one?"

The child beamed at her. "Avingale, Miss Seer."

Larn smiled at that. "Good to meet you." She reached up and smoothed the child's wraps and then whispered to her. "When the time is right, you will remember. You will save him from himself this time."

"If you say so ma'am."

It was the clear dismissal of a child who obviously thought that a person was crazy. That did not bother her though. This youngling had been a friend of hers prior to the Galactic Shatter. The only thing that had saved her from becoming a shattered soul was the attachment she had formed to one planet. An attachment that had tied her soul to the fate of said planet. She smiled again and slipped off into the night to return to Obi-wan.


	21. Whills

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 21: Whills

Obi-wan opened his eyes just in time to see Larn step into his small hut. She was flushed but not breathing heavily. As she turned to move to the small kitchenette, he noted her stiff movement. "Run into a little trouble out there?" He asked as he stood from his meditative position.

"Nothing that I couldn't handle on my own." She shrugged. "How about you? You seem to have calmed a measure since I left."

"Yes. But I guess I have just one question left, where do I find the Whills?"

He noted that she stiffened slightly at the mention of the Whills. But after a few quiet moments she turned to face him. "There is but one Whill left Obi-wan and you already know him. Whether or not he chooses to share what he remembers of his earliest teachings will be up to him."

"It is always so frustrating when everyone speaks in riddles." Obi-wan huffed. But searching his memories with the help of the Force figured it out in a few moments. "I'm not sure that he even remembers that far back now."

"He may pretend otherwise but he most assuredly does. Why he never chose to entertain the younglings with the oldest tales is beyond me."

"Perhaps he found the lessons contained in them to be unfit for the times." Obi-wan countered.

She gave him a sour look. "That is probably why the Galaxy is in the state it is now. Lessons learned and lost only beg to be repeated time and again."

"You would know, seer." He pointed out.

"Yes I would. Especially if I were complete, but that is neither here nor there now." She gave him an almost pained expression. Then she clasped her hands in front of her. "I am going to have to leave this place soon Obi-wan."

He blinked momentarily at the abrupt change of subject. "Leave?"

"Yes. I have already revealed too much of things that are best left long buried."

"But didn't you just say that there is too much that has been lost? Is that not why history is bound to repeat itself."

"But you must realize Obi-wan, the shards of my soul were not meant to piece back together here and now. But there is something that I this much of me was brought back together to attend to, I know that the rest of my business is not to be conducted here."


	22. GoodBye

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Chapter 22: Good-bye

He hadn't said anything to her since she had told him she needed to leave the night before. Simply nodded and with the rising sun led her through the sand to the nearest place he could, the Lars homestead. She had assumed that he would leave her there, but after a brief altercation with Owen, he was able to secure the use of the Lars' speeder to conduct the rest of the trip into Mos Eisley. His continued silence on the way to the spaceport town unnerved her, but she knew there wasn't anything she could say that would ease the emotions that he was attempting to sort through right now.

Once the speeder pulled into the seedy town he asked, "Why, why now?"

She looked at him sadly. It hurt her more than he would ever know to have to love him and leave him. But she also knew that this is the way it had to be in order to ensure a brighter future would come to pass for the Galaxy. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she moved to kiss his forehead, instead of forming a verbal reply.

He crumpled into her arms in a heartbeat of her lips barely brushing his skin. "I am so sorry to do this to you, but you have no need to have the knowledge that you possess. It is too dangerous. But I also know that my block will not last forever, you will pass remembering me and our time together. You shall know that which I could not tell you in our time together. Until then you were mugged, Ben."

With that breathed to him, she brushed her lips across his and stole away with the meager stash of credits that he carried on him. She was off to find herself passage to the last place he would ever go to should her suggestion not hold. She walked to the ticketing counter. "Courscant, what is the next available flight to Courscant?"

The agent looked. "Five standard minutes miss. Your identification please..."

She passed him a blank card and made him think he saw good information on it.

"Miss Jade, welcome you'll be leaving on the Emperor's Delight. It departs from docking bay ninety-four."

"Thank you!" she shot back over her shoulder as she dashed for the mentioned bay. She tried to keep her mind on anything and everything except for Obi-wan. For she knew the second her mind strayed to him, she would break down and cry.


	23. Epilogue

Shifting Sands: The Pain of Living

Epilogue

Obi-wan couldn't figure it out. Of all the times for his vaunted mental control to slip, here and now wasn't it. Not when he had the second chance of a lifetime, the chance to finish Anakin…no Darth Vader right now. But it seemed that his aged brain would not let him fully focus on the task at hand, so he tiredly staved off Vader's stiff and out of practice attacks as he let his mind walk the paths it was attempting to traverse.

The more he let go the more he realized that this was the Force taking him back to appoint in time that he had somehow blocked from his mind. He had fallen. Oh not to the Dark Side, as did his apprentice, but to the relentless onslaught of Love. He saw all those that he had truly, and irrevocably loved. Siri, and Satine most of all, but their faces blurred, merged and changed into another's. The lips on this face moved with no sound. As he concentrated on the movement of the lips a voice accompanied them. A warm and sad voice washed over him. "Remember…" was all it said.

A flash of time was all it took and he recalled the time he spent with Larn. It had been the first time he had ever just lived in the moment. He had loved that time and her. But there was more than that.

She had left him from the very same docking bay from which he left Tatooine with Luke. She had left with his child growing within her. She had gone to Courscant and lived right under the nose of the Emperor. She had a sham marriage and her child was taken by the Emperor. She was thrown into the deepest dungeon by the man because she refused to share her knowledge with him.

But she shared it now, with Obi-wan, in his last moments. He saw his daughter grow up and become one of the Emperor's top assassins. Followed her through the time she spied on Vader, and made an attempt on Luke's life. It all sped by, his last glimpse of the future showed two people kissing he couldn't quite make out who they were.

It was here that he realized that this really was his final moment. His conscious body looked over his shoulder to the boy who was now running across the docking bay, then back to Vader. This was the moment that the vision resolved itself and he made out the face of his daughter breaking a long kiss with Luke. They were both dressed very formally. Sound broke in on the vision. "Bound by Galactic Law, Love and most of all the Force, I now present to you Luke and Mara Jade-Skywalker."

With that the vision concluded and a smile stole over Obi-wan's face as he saluted his former apprentice. He closed his eyes, expecting to feel the searing sting of Vader's lightsaber as it sliced off his head. But just as the heat from the laser blade reached his neck, he could no longer feel the heat radiating off the blade. He could no longer feel the weight of his robes. He "opened" his eyes, and found that he had come home.

Is that too lame of an ending? I had something that was more drawn out but it seemed more contrived. This seems simple and elegant to me. Thoughts? Comments?

I have thought about eventually re-writing this fic. But that will be a while in coming.

TTFN

Tavae


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